Trust me, he will notice if your "perfect size ten" relates more accurately to your shoe size than your dress size and she will notice if “late twenties” is closer to your weedy chest measurement rather than your age!
You can use words like “curvy”, “statuesque” and “well-nourished” if it makes you feel more comfortable but the bottom line is surely that you want to be wanted for yourself and not what you aspire to be.
Mind you, it will take a special type of person to respond to someone who shows a complete lack of self-confidence. “Fat, spotty, balding, hypochondriac, beer-loving, short legs, hairy-eared forty-something, likes pubs, punch-ups, bland food and thin blondes” probably won’t attract many replies unless, of course, you add the words “millionaire in poor health”, So temper the honesty with the realisation that reading between the lines isn’t too difficult.
temper the honesty with the realisation that reading between the lines isn’t too difficult.
“Cuddly, short chap not into vanity but likes going to pubs, boxing and simple food prefers slim blondes with interest in health issues. Are you the right girl to tame me?”
No, still doesn’t quite do it for me but – well they say for everyone there is a soul-mate and there’s always:
“Fed up with pretentious cows, professional, mature, hunk seeks genuine, natural, homely woman for marriage.”
What he really means is: "wounded, arrogant, man wants slave!"
Here is my translation of some of the more common descriptions you're like to find in the personal ads:
WLTM – would like to meet
GSOH – Good sense of humour (not to be confused with GCH which is gas central heating.)
MATURE over forty, shouldn’t play practical jokes.
MATURE GSOH - sarcastic
PROFESSIONAL – not a tradesman but be aware that my plumber earns more than my dermatologist.
MATURE PROFESSIONAL GSOH – will make jokes about accountancy.
CUDDLY – fat
CURVACEOUS – fat with a waist.
WANTS TRUSTWORTHY - is recently divorced from lying, treacherous s.o.b.
ROMANTIC 1 – will buy you orchids but want to go Dutch on the bill.
ROMANTIC 2 – soppy, bad with money, will wear too much aftershave or perfume.
INCURABLE ROMANTIC – careful, may turn out to be a stalker.
LIKES GREAT OUTDOORS – get insect repellent.
LIVELY LEO – believes in star signs; either gullible or psychic.
N/S – non-smoking. Avoids pubs and awnings under office blocks and public buildings.
FUNNY & CUTE – will like kittens, giggle at compliments and won’t be able to use chopsticks.
CHIVEROUS MALE – can’t spell but will try to open doors for you – may push instead of pull (this really was in my local paper.)
LTR – long term relationship not to be confused with Learning Technology Research
DISCRETE – married, wants afternoon nookie.
ASSERTIVE – either a bully or has read too many self-help manuals.
DISILLUSIONED – will talk about their ex interminably.
EXTRA MATURE a type of cheddar cheese.
PLUMBER - liable to be wealthy but will probably exit to another date halfway through foreplay.
WILLOWY – tall, legs like tree trunks, tends to weep easily.
STATUESQUE - tall, legs like tree trunks but with a heart of stone.
NATURAL - conceited – doesn’t wear make-up or aftershave. May have nose-hairs.
ATTRACTIVE (F) - conceited – plucks eyebrows.
ATTRACTIVE (M) - conceited – plucks nose-hairs.
POET - rarely shaves, wears sandals often with socks.
POETESS - rarely washes hair, wears too many scarves.
LIKES
“EATING OUT” - can’t cook.
“EATING IN” - too stingy to go to restaurant.
“LONG WALKS” - banned from driving.
“COSY NIGHTS IN” - afraid of the moon.
“COSY DAYS IN” - avoid, probably a vampire!
